Update

Just taking a break from 'life' and decided to write. The girls are growing and learning every day. Julia's first tooth broke through her gums on Tuesday. She now is very close to crawling, she reaches ahead of herself, then scoots to get to where she wants. So, an army crawl with a little bit of real crawling in there too. So, I'm sure it won't be long for that milestone. The girls get along very well. They are good sisters to each other. I hope they will learn to be close friends. I'm continuing to unpack and get things organized so that I don't have to worry about reorganizing for the rest of the time that we live here. Our new place is very quiet. I think they made the walls pretty thick so that most of the outside noise does just that, stays outside! Last night I got together with some friends and had a good time visiting with them. I feel so bad that I haven't been able to hang out more with people since I have the extra baggage of two children. I went shopping today and had the hardest time with the girls. I anxiously await the day that I can leave them with Jeremiah and I can actually go shopping ALONE. What a concept! I am just so - wow. I just am really excited about that. I hope he doesn't think that I don't love him because I am leaving the girls with him more when he finally returns home. I just can't wait to have that 'freedom'. Then there's Jeremiah. He's ready to be home, can't blame him because I'm ready for him to be home too! I look at pictures of him and wonder how I am going to react to seeing him for the first time in almost a year. He just seems so distant. Not only physically, but emotionally too. It's hard to describe what I am feeling. I just don't know how to say it really. I am so excited for him to be home, but I am scared to death too. I'm not going to know how to act. I think I'll end up treating it like a first date where you don't know if they like you, but you really think they are cute. I just know I am going to be shy and not know what to say to him. I don't want to react that way, but I don't know how else to act. I've lost 40 lbs since he's been gone. Is he going to like the new me? Is he going to love our daughter (the one he never met)? How will Melanie react to him? What if he's not attracted to me!?
Then there's the side of me that is angry. Angry at him for leaving me alone to have our baby, for making me deal with all these hard things on my own, and for not being more excited about coming home.
Then there's the overwhelming part of me that is just lost. Lost without him by my side. Just wanting him to be home. But, that will eventually happen. Well, I gotta run.... take care!