There is a saying that says, "there is a time and a season for all things". (not a direct quote... cut me some slack, I talk to children 5 and under day in and day out!) Unfortunately, this "season" of my life seems to be one void of joy and happiness. Every day that passes, I am more certain that I was not cut out to be a mother....or any form of nurturer. Shocking?! I know, right!? Honestly, I don't really think it is all that shocking. Why?
*Most of my career as a "mother" I have gone it alone. Yeah, sure, there was a paycheck coming in from the other side of the world.... but in the grand scheme of things... what I really needed was help. The Lord blessed me in many ways with some amazing friends to help me along the journey of the "single parent". But, the first sea tour in the military for us has left me severely damaged.
* I have an obsession with wanting a nice, respectable looking home. I envy those with the talent of interior decorating. I pretty much don't have a gift in that area.
* It is that obsession that drives me over the edge when I get to add another task to my housework list instead of maybe for once having some time to make something for the house. We don't have much, but I am trying with what we do have.
* Laundry piles, that get chucked around in other bins (or closets) to be folded another day. Ever wonder why we never have pressed shirts/pants? Yeah... if I don't have time to fold, you can bet I haven't dusted off the iron in YEARS.
* We own a dog that is not potty trained, and maimes herself if we stick her in a kennel - as well as pottying in the kennel creating HOURS of work to scrub and clean. I can't own a nice rug - because she'll ruin it!
* I believe that I should be given the kind of children that behave as I did as a child, which according to my parents was great! My childrens CONSTANT misbehavior is very bothersome. Lots of time in their room.
Is there hope for me? I feel that I lack friends because I am the mother to the children with the leash, whining and running away in the store, teach bad things to sweet - angelic children, and who can never sit still when we go out to eat. Will there ever be a season of "happiness"? I am honestly buried in housework, punishments, dog doo, laundry, depression, and extra weight. Could really really use a vacation - to a place where there are no children.
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Hard
Posted by Janice at 8:56 PM
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5 comments:
Janice, don't be so hard on yourself! You are a terrific mom. It isn't supposed to be easy anyway (especially the laundry--I HATE it!) Not to push a stupid idea or anything, but maybe having a list of things that make you happy about your kids or your husband or your life that stays in a place where you can see it and add to it would help. (Sorry--super run-on sentence there). I have a hard time seeing the silver-lining sometimes too. Your kids are great-and so are you :)
Jan, I love you to bits and pieces, so do the kids. They are just kids. Sometimes they are just wild, and you sometimes can't control. You are a wonderful mother. You are fufilling your divine nature that Heavenly Father has sent you here to do. I lvoe you@
Oh, Janice! I think you are an amazing woman. I've always been blown away with how well you do when you're flying solo and how much you get done. I've also always been impressed with how well you are able to focus and stick to your goals (I come up short in that area). We all have times in our lives where we get in a rut and are too critical of ourselves. You are going to fine because you are an incredible and powerful and beautiful woman!
And I also feel your pain about misbehavin' chilluns and laundry. The great thing about life is that is like a neverending wave with crests and troughs. If you are in a trough right now, it means that very soon you'll be riding on a crest:).
thanks everyone. I appreciate your words of encouragement. for the record - you ladies are amazing flying solo yourselves.
Hey. You are an amazing woman. I knew something was off with ya but I could not put my finger on it. I am sorry you are felling this way. I think that every mom goes through this. I actually feel the same way about a lot. Well minus the dog. Ours spends most time outside so I do not have to deal with. mean i know. Please do not think you can not ask for help. I am here for you and I love your family. Your are a dear friend and I want you to be happy. Love ya
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