Merry Christmas

Today as we are buried in the wrapping paper while the kids jump off the walls from excitement (and sugar highs),  let's not get too buried by the world's idea of Christmas.  I hope that many of you were able give at least one homemade present to a loved one this year.  As I frantically tried to be sure everything was finally done in preparation for Christmas this year, I decided that maybe I should plan a homemade Christmas for next year.  I think it may end up being the best one yet if we stick to that goal.  I received a beautiful scarf hand crocheted by my grandmother for my birthday this year - and it's honestly one of the best gifts I have ever been given!
As I sat at church today with my family and pondered the many gifts our Savior has given us - I hoped that you all were having similar thoughts today.  Instead of worrying about the food for later than day, or continuing to bury yourself in wrapping - I really hope you thought about your many blessing and how you can give more of yourself to the Savior.  How can we improve throughout this next year to result in a better understanding and relationship with Jesus Christ?  We read Luke 2 last night as we gathered around my parents Christmas tree and ate our traditional "Shepherd's Dinner" (we eat similarly to what the shepherds did in those fields those many years ago).   Since half of my children are now old enough to understand that they can indeed give something to their Savior this next year, we went around the circle and told eachother one thing that we could do better at this upcoming year for Jesus Christ.  Little Momma's was to be kinder, Destructo-girl's was to listen to her parents more (maybe that meanst 50% of the time now... I'll keep my fingers crossed for more than that though),  mine was to work on the new Personal Progress/Young Womanhood medallion (that ALL women/girls can do by the way), and the Hubby's was to help the Boy Scout program in the ward function better this new year (I added that by doing this, he could help them have a desire to go on missions - by instilling the boy scout standards into their daily lives - two birds with one stone, right??).   Little Man's can be just learning how to talk more this year to start.  Baby girl can continue being the most beautiful baby in our family and for now that will be enough. 
I know that our Savior knows us each personally and that He loves us more than we can ever comprehend.  I am sure He thought of each of us as he suffered in Gethsemane those several thousands of years ago and willingly gave of himself to allow EVERYONE of us to come back and live with him someday.  There is nothing more He wants to do for us than help us - we only need to ask and He is there. 
So as those new year's resolution lists start up in the next few days, make sure to write your present down for Christ this year so you can focus on your goal all year round and feel joy as it is completed by Christmastime next year.    Merry Christmas to you all - don't lose sight of the purpose of life and the great many blessings you have been given!    Love you all and hope this next year holds many fabulous blessings for you and yours!

8 years down, many more to go

Today my husband and I celebrate 8 years together.  Sometimes it seems like an eternity ago we had our little place in an extended stay hotel for about half a year before he went off to bootcamp.  I have learned so many things in that time.  Bills, kids, budgets, etc.  We've moved about a handful of times as well.  There is still a lot to learn.  By no means am I an expert at ANYTHING.  Generally speaking, I feel like I fail at much I attempt to do.  Maybe that is just human nature (or women's nature) - or maybe I really do need a few pointers.  I know I'm not perfect at being a wife for sure (same goes for being a mother) but I am so glad my husband puts up with me.  In a lot of ways he is much better than I am.  He is generally patient with me - even laughs at me from time to time when I am really losing my cool.  Some may think that is a little counter productive, but it's enough for me to snap out of it a little bit and see the error of my ways. Then there are times he just lets me fume, takes it, and then is there to talk when I cool off.  We have been blessed to have 4 beautiful, healthy children and are very grateful for that.  I really wish we could say we haven't aged a day since we got married - but... time is not always kind - and it definitely hasn't been to us!  We've been through a lot since we got "hitched" - here's to hoping the next 8 years see us with more happy days than sad.  I am glad that you are my husband!

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

Really have no idea what to title this post exactly, so maybe it will come to me once I am finally done typing it!  Here's to hopin'!  It seems like each year there is so much going on the last 6 weeks of the year, that the moments you get some "free" time, you just kick back!  That's basically what I have done.  I have been exercising, taking care of sick kids (youngest two),  doing Pre-K and 1st grade homework, dinners, a little baking, and kicking back.  I know it is no where near as busy as some of your schedules, but it keeps our little family hopping  for the time being.  

I celebrated a birthday Friday, turning one year older and hoping that it'll be a better one than the year before.   I have fantastic friends and family that helped me feel SO loved on my special day.  Thank you!  I have big plans to go out with a friend later this month (a fellow december birthday) for dinner and a movie.  Really looking forward to that - it'll be SO MUCH FUN! 

I have to put my brain cells to work and get an ornament knocked out by tuesday for our RS project group gathering this month.  We will be exchanging an ornament and I am SO grateful we only need to bring ONE.  Not really sure what I would do if i had to make a dozen or more!   Then we have book club this next week as well.  Not sure if I'll be getting the chance to read the book because I am still struggling to get through another one (I have been trying to get through it for over a month!).   Then there is some Christmas parties at the girls school this next week too.  PLUS trying to get ideas on what to make their teachers for Christmas!  I guess I am WAY more busy than I thought. 

I was blessed enough to give a spiritual thought this past week and I chose Luke 2 (just a few verses).  Where I was getting with it was to remember the reason for the season.  So many times we all get caught up in all the TO DO'S that we don't remember the WHY.  Most of you out there that actually read this thing have several children of your own and are far more busy than you think (just like me) .  Take some time to remember how this Christmas season came to be, who it is celebrating, and how we can make the celebration continue the whole year instead of just a month at the tail end of the year.  FORGET the to do lists and all that "fluff" that doesn't matter.  If a present goes unbought or an item isn't crossed off - who cares!?   Focus on family, togetherness, and love.     It's what it's all about and the one who gave ALL for it to be possible for us to be TOGETHER as FAMILIES FOREVER.    Have a Merry Christmas Season and ENJOY it - even kick back a little!

THANKSgiving

This day is one of my favorites!  Growing up we would watch the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade in the morning and have an awesome breakfast (which means pancakes, eggs, and the like because it wasn't a school day) cooked by my dad (the breakfast chef).  My mom would generally bake away the day before Thanksgiving or sometimes Thanksgiving morning and then we would get ready to get together with my mother's family in the afternoon.  There would be football watching, cousins playing in the yard, really yummy food, and PLENTY of love!  I always liked getting together with my mom's family.  Even though they are not members of the church, they are some of the best people you will ever meet.  Since being married, I haven't seen them much over the years and I honestly really miss it.  They will be getting together today and I'll be an extra state away, missing on them dearly!!  I am truly thankful for them (and so many other things).   Here's to a fantastic year full of happiness and joy.  I know we all have had our struggles and hard times.. it's that we get through them that is the most important.  As you eat your fabulous meals today, don't forget the reasons why we even get to celebrate this holiday! 

Weighing In

So, the challenge continues to workout hard and do better at controling myself around the really good stuff (ice cream and chocolate).  As of yesterday I had lost an additonal 2-3 lbs! Hooray! Last week I mostly did spin classes with a little bit of strength training added on a day or two.  This week so far I have been to a spin class and zumba.  I took a day off for cleaning purposes (and not much got done honestly) and now it is Thanksgiving Day!!  Now, I just have to make it through this holiday. I am not going to allow the family to keep more leftovers than we can tackle in a day or two - and the pie... yup, only making one.  So... if you want some, you only get one piece.  I don't need to have half a pie left over to snack on for breakfast each morning.  Haha!  I'll be going to the gym tomorrow to work off the meal and hopefully work off more than that if I can be careful about what I am eating.   Focus more on what you are thankful for today and less about what you want to eat, and you'll win this round!  I know you can do it if I can!

Weighing In

(special thanks to chumpysclipart.com for the image)

It's been a little over a week now that I vowed I would be doing you all a favor by giving you the blessing of seeing less of me over the next few months/hopefully years.  My 6 weeks of food fun is definitely over, I had my post partum appointment this past Monday and I have the all clear to resume working out again.  To celebrate I hit the gym..... HARD.  Monday and Tuesday I took a spin class (Tuesday's class had strength training tacked on to the end of it) which left me feeling sore Wednesday (today).  I had super huge goals to still hit the gym... only after school.  Due to me still having pregnant brain, communication between me and the hubby on coordinating that didn't go so well so I ended up running 1.3 miles after dinner tonight and chased it with some crunches (although I didn't do a ton because I am still sore from yesterday's upper body workout).   Best part is... I actually RAN (OK... jogged) the whole 1.3.  I did my 1.5 loop, but, had to stop at the very end - so maybe it was more like 1.45 - but you get the idea.  Not sure on the time, I will start timing myself when I finish the whole thing.  However, it took about 3 and a half songs on my mp3 player.  I didn't want to push myself to great lengths because then I would have shown up my "more fit" self of almost a year ago.  Plus, I am sure I would feel it later.  It is pretty amazing to me to know that after not doing a whole lot of exercising for almost a year, I can jump back into it and do a decent job!  I love the constant reminder of how stinking fascinating the human body is.  I gave birth 7 week ago for crying out loud!  It's no marathon, but, it's progress my friends.....progress.  As far as the "actual" weigh in... I can't actually say how much I have lost since I haven't weighed myself first thing in the morning for the past few days.  I do feel confident in saying probably around a 2 lbs weight loss so far. 

Eating has been a little sporadic still.  I am trying to deplete my "sabotage" foods that are still left in the house (yes, I actually ate the rest of our ice cream for breakfast).  As we run out of things, I will be replacing them with more produce and natural items rather than the quick "kids" snacks.  I'm sure my kids will scream and yell, maybe even shed some tears.... but we are ALL taking a step towards a more healthy life!

Giving Thanks

(clip art courtesy of justclipart.org)

I love this time of year.  If for no other reason than to help remind us to be more thankful in our lives.  Our family has had one event filled year.  There have been many tears shed - for good and bad.  Even through it all, we have been IMMENSELY blessed!!  We aren't perfect or anything like that, far from it infact, but I am happy to say that I am trying my best to keep taking steps forward - for the betterment of my family. 

Grateful for:
* the hurricane that passed through town, but we still had electricity when we came home and our belongings were safe
* a healthy new family member
* being able to go have a completely unmedicated delivery - any woman knows that we get a lot of assistance from angels through that process!
* scriptures
* opportunity to attend TOFW with my mother and youngest sister
* my parents moving closer to us than they were the previous year
* being able to visit my sister who lives in OR and her beautiful family up until the DAY they grew by one more perfect girl! (three daughters now!)
* having a roof over our heads, vehicles that continue to help us get from point A to point B,  food,  gorgeous children, and a spouse who loves me
* awesome primary leaders and school teachers to help my children learn
* a gym membership that I am determined will help me get back to a size I am happy with
* my testimony, my Savior, and this wonderful gospel
* etc.  This list could go on forever, but it is always nice to be reminded of the tremendous blessings in our lives and to know that they FAR outweigh the struggles - and if it seems you have only struggles, the joy that comes from the blessings you see in your life make the struggles a little more bearable.

To all of you out there.... I hope you see more blessings in your life than trials this season and if not, pray that you notice more of your blessings.   As you smell that pumpkin pie cooking, or the turkey roasting, or even as you chow down on some green bean casserole remember...there is much to be thankful for!  Happy Thanksgiving to you all and enjoy this wonderful season of thanks and giving!!

Battle of the Bulge

Any of you with four children or more know that for MOST women out there, having 4 children in just over 6 years means a constant battle with the bulge.  Well, my 6 weeks of overindulging because I just had a baby and can't go to the gym again yet are now over.  I will be able to hit the gym starting this week (and I am so excited about it.... really I am)!  I am officially kissing this extra weight good-bye!  Hopefully before too long there will be much less of me - a me more suitable for looking the part of my ultimate dream: becoming a personal trainer.  I have wanted to become a personal trainer for a pretty big chunk of my life and am looking forward to the hard work ahead to get myself into shape (and staying that way) so when the time is right, I can finish my schooling and help people (part-time while my children are in school of course). 

Strictly because I need to write this down to remember it and be forced to live it a bit more, I am going to reveal my general plan and hopefully do a much better job at updating my successes (or failures) on an at least bi-monthly (hopefully weekly) basis.  First, I am going to be drinking more water - at least 8 glasses a day and allowing myself a treat a day (until I can control my sweet tooth enough to limit that further to one a week).  I will eat a well balanced diet throughout the day by using portion sizes in what I eat and if I am just too hungry, eat more vegetables and fruits ONLY.  I am trying to experiment with the process a bit by limiting myself to getting my fruit fill in the morning and then fill up on vegetables in the afternoon.  Since I truly believe that sleep is VERY important to successful weight loss, I will be getting a decent nights sleep each night by going to bed early with the goal being 8 hours of rest each night (yes, I am fully aware that I have a one month old under my roof - it's a goal - and definitely something I will be praying for as this process progresses).  My treat will be after dinner in the evenings  - and only be a serving of the treat I choose. My largest meal will be eaten in the middle of the day, alowing my body to digest most of it before I go to bed.  My goal for weight loss each week is 2lbs a week.  Wish me luck!  If any one else out there is doing something similar and needs moral support, I would love to be your cheerleader and it wouldn't hurt for me to have one either! 

A visit and a blessing

Today we blessed our sweet little Lilia.  We were fortunate enough to have my parents and sister along with my hubby's mother in attendance at the meeting to help give their support and wtiness the special day for us.  Lilia was able to wear her older sister's blessing dress (unfortunately Julia didn't get to wear it - she had to wait for her daddy to come back from a 7 month deployment to get her blessing and when that happened, she was MUCH too big for the dress!).  In this family, as far as blessings go, we are kind of traditionalists.  Hunter was blessed in the outfit my husband was blessed in, along with his brothers and their sons.  Naturally, we would do the same with our first white blessing dress in our little family.  Now, off to get it cleaned and preserved properly to keep it safe for future generations!  Here are a few snapshots we got after church (our brains were running a little slower and we didn't remember to bring them to church with us this morning).  I think they turned out cute!  We weren't able to get a picture of Nana with Lilia though because Nana had responsibilities in her ward and had to leave after the blessing.  I am sure her wards primary program next week will be great with her help!  

This is what you get when you try to get all 6 of us to cooperate!!  Fun times! If you don't already know how this is, I suggest you try it sometime!

All my girls - together!  Really hoping this is the start of many more fun pictures of the three of them!

Lilia with my Mom, Dad, and baby sister Jocelyn.  Lilia was getting tired of the picture taking, this in NO way reflects her feelings of my family!  PROMISE!

TOFW

I am taking a few minutes to write down my experience at Time Out for Women (TOFW).  Anyone out there who hasn't gone to one yet, really needs to go. You will come back from your approx. 24 hours away feeling completely rejuvenated - you will be a better you! You can check out their website here.  Hopefully they will be coming to a city not too far from you next year!

This years theme is: "All things are possible to him that believeth"  Mark 9:23  It is also about choosing to BECOME.  We were challenged to become a little more of the woman we are meant to be.  We had the most amazing speakers that shared the most amazing experiences with us! We heard from two amazing music performers over the weekend (Jenny Oaks Baker & Jericho Road).  If you have a chance to listen to their music, you should. 

Here are just a few things I learned/was reminded of:
* put our trust and faith in the Lord
* quote by a General Authority (paraphrased) "If a woman is too busy to pray, she is busier than the Lord wants her to be!"
* L.D.S. also stands for "Let's Do Something!" - always being anxiously engaged in the Lord's work/something good
* (this one is a little embarrassing to share) President Hinckley's quote, (again paraphrased) "If you complain about life, it's because you think only of yourself...."
* Elder Scott's quote, "We become what we want to be by consistently being what we want to become."
* REMEMBER: who your children REALLY are and ALWAYS remember the Savior
*try something hard that makes you rely on the Lord
*Just be YOU!  don't try to be anyone other than yourself
*success is measured MUCH differently in the world than to our Heavenly Father
*every once in a while, take 24 hour ALONE and AWAY from your family to rest your heart and mind, evaluate your life, and make plans for the future! it's important!


These are only a few things that I was able to refresh in my mind/spirit this past weekend.  There were so many wonderful lessons shared and of course I came away with a list a mile long to change about myself.  However, this time I am going to take it one step at a time and each day do my best to become a little more of the woman I am meant to be. 

The Big Handful (5)!!

My second-born has finally joined the ranks of the "handfuls".  While she has been a handful on her own pretty much her whole life, she is now official.  My dear girl turned 5 on the 13th.   Five years ago, on a Friday no less, this little girl came into the world.  I really truly love this little dramatic child, she keeps my life interesting - to say the VERY least!  With all of that said though, she truly is an amazing child.  Her capacity to love is endless and has been found including the new (shy) children at school in her "creative play" moments.  She had pretty much everyone's name memorized by the end of the first day of school.  I find her saying "hello (fill in their name)" and occasionally "hello (fill in child's name)'s mom!"  - she knows EVERYONE!!   While she will on occasion blame her bad behavior on "I'm just a curious girl" (yes, she has been documented as saying that) she truly is pure gold at heart.  Her excitement about life reminds me of a young girl I knew once.  Most days I am certain Heavenly Father sent her to our family to teach me how to be like that again.  Thank you for being so pure Julia, and for being able to teach me about life and what's really important!  LOVE YOU and Happy Birthday!

Moments

There are most definitely days that I wish I had handled things better as a mother.  I wish I had a better sense of humor to be able to look at the funny side of things or to maybe make light of something that really in the grand scheme of things isn't that serious.  Since I have had 4 children now, that means 3 whole solid years of my life have been spent being pregnant.  THREE years!!!  That's 3 tours in Iraq for a soldier, definitely longer than my son has even been alive, and pretty much 4 -5 deployments back to back!  How insane is that!?  Four tiny little bodies and spirits were depending on me and my body to do the job right and bless them with a body here on earth.  Four lives to sustain, nourish, and protect.  Once they arrive is when the really humbling part starts: being trusted to RAISE these four little lives into the people they need to be - strong in the gospel and on the track the Lord needs them to be to fulfill their missions in life.  ACK!  Now... it gets a little scarier too:  out of the four so far, I am raising 3 future mothers.  I already know I don't want them to be just like me, I want them to be better mothers than that - so I need to step it up and become the kind of mother I would love for them to be to their children.

I was recently released from my calling in the YW program for our ward.  When Sunday rolled around and I went upstairs to get changed out of my church clothes after church - my girls asked me, "Mom... you don't have any meetings?  You don't have to go to the Bishop's house?  You get to stay with us today?"  me: "No, I don't have to go to any meetings, and YES I get to stay with you today.  Mommy doesn't have to work with the YW anymore.  No more thursday nights up at the church either.  Only daddy will have to go."  After I told them all of that, they CHEERED!!!  They were so ecstatic that I would be home with them more often and that's when it hit me.  My family definitely needed for me to be released.... in a really bad way.  I know that I felt exhausted (in more ways than one) and really needed the break - but I didn't realize how badly I needed it until my children clued me in.  It broke my heart to know that my calling had effected them so much and that they were hurting for my attention and love.

So, I'm turning over a new leaf now.  I have baby number 4 on the OUTside of my body now and I am feeling great!  I am happy, I can breathe, and I can dedicate more time to my family and work on myself!  I love it when life gives you a second (no matter how short) to take a deep breath.  I feel like this is my second. 

Week Old

So, we've made it a week so far since our newest angel came from Heaven.  I cannot believe how quickly the time goes, especially when they are new.   I look at myself sometimes and think "Wow, I have a 6 year old?".  In my mind, I am still 21!!  Before I am medically "okay-ed" to start working out like crazy to achieve the "me" I want to be, excuse me if I look as though I have given birth to 4 children.... all in my short 21 26 years of life!  Anyway.... here she is at a week old!  Can I just say that I love my little girl to death!? SO proud of her!  (sorry about the pic... it's the best one I could get.  The flash kept making her blink her eyes)

A birthday and a story

We welcomed sweet baby #4 on the night of the 26th.  This is the first time that I delivered on my actual due date!  So, this little one was right on time! HER stats are: 7lbs 13oz, 19.75" , and born at 7:48pm - oh, and practically perfect apgar scores too!  Just under 6 hours of being AT the hospital and she made her debut.

I guess I will go ahead and dish her entire labor and delivery.  This is mostly for my own benefit, however.  So that I can remind myself of how I felt at the time (hopefully to discourage another delivery.... unless it is necessary of course).  At almost 38 weeks, I had an OB appointment where I asked my midwife to check me.  I was a good 3cm and 50% effaced.  "Any day" were the words that were used.  Of course, I walked out of the room being hopeful that indeed she was right.... ANY day.  Completely going against what my brain was telling me, "um... Janice?  you remember you can walk around at a 3 for weeks.... right???!"  To which my conscious replied, "yeah... but maybe this time will be different."  NOPE!!!  So, the next week - I was scheduled for an appointment on Friday.  This was the friday before my Grandmother's birthday.  My grandmother is battling cancer right now and I thought it would be a wonderful gift for her to have a great-grandchild born on her birthday (in her honor mostly).  Her birthday was Sunday, the 18th.  I was hoping to get my membranes stripped at my Friday appointment so I could definitely have this baby by the 18th.  Friday morning I get a call from the clinic saying they needed to reschedule my appointment.  My midwife was sick and unable to be at work that day. So... I was scheduled with a different midwife for Monday.  I made it through the weekend with contractions like crazy 3-5 minutes apart - but not hurting me at all.  So, I went to bed each night and woke up the next morning - with nothing! Monday came and I went to my appointment, she checked me and said I was a 4cm and 50% effaced (to which I probably wouldn't efface more than that until I was in true labor - her words.... not mine).  She stripped my membranes in hopes it would send me into labor later that day.  Very late that night Jeremiah and I decided we should head into the hospital and see if we could have a baby.  We went to the hospital, got checked after hearing a woman practically deliver a baby in the triage (I THINK they got her to a delivery room in time.... she was trying NOT to push as they wheeled her down the hall) area.  I hadn't made much progress, I was a 4-5cm they said and 75% effaced.  Not quite the criteria they were looking for and my contractions started going away.  I told them I would be fine with going home and sleeping - and we'd be back if anything more developed.  Once we got home, we decided it would be awesome if the baby could just wait until Jeremiah finished his schooling for work (which would conclude on Friday the 23rd) so.....I pretty much laid around tuesday and wednesday.  I was honestly afraid of doing ANYTHING for fear it would send me into labor.  I needed to hang in there until at least Friday - preferably the weekend to keep things easy for kids and school and Jeremiah.  On my due date, I had another OB appointment - new midwife again - mine was at the hospital delivering babies all week long - and she was SO surprised to even see me there.  She asked what I was doing there and when she checked me.... I was at a 5, she went ahead and swept me (stripped my membranes again) and told me if I even had 4 contractions in one hour to go to the hospital. Oh... and when she checked to see when the soonest was she could schedule me to be induced.... it was Oct 6th.  I would need to come in for my 41 week appointment on the 3rd, have a stress test done on the baby, and then hang in there until the 6th.  YEAH RIGHT!  I was so over this pregnancy and so miserable too!  Just waiting for pain - that was pretty much what I was doing.  I would catch myself asking for the pain as I went throughout the day.  "Bring on the pain" I would mutter under my breath.   So, I basically wanted to cry because I felt that this baby didn't want to come out at all and I was going to have to be pregnant until October 6th before I could finally get a baby out of this deal.

Luckily for me (and by the mercy of our Heavenly Father) I started contracting 20 minutes after my appointment and they continued every 5 minutes apart until my mother-in-law was able to get over here and take over the "kid" shift.  We called Linda, our wonderful doula - a member of the Norfolk 1st ward, and she met us at the house.  We headed over to Portsmouth and had to park at the top level of the parking garage..... let's just say parking was definitely scarce!  By the time we got to the Labor and Delivery triage area...it was about 2pm.  I asked for Wendy (my midwife) - told her how my appointment went that morning - and she took us back to a room for evaluation.  She checked me and evaluated me and baby before letting us know that they would go ahead and keep me.  She was able to get us to a delivery room and start us on our way of answering the wonderful questions they have to get you all checked in before her shift was over.  I was really looking forward to having a chance for Wendy to deliver one of my babies!  By the time the questions were over, and Wendy was about to leave, she suggested that maybe we break my water and start some pitocin to help things along.  When the time came for that (about 4pm) a new shift of doctors were there.  A young doctor came in and suggested we break my water and said she would allow my body the chance to labor on it's own before we add the help of pitocin.  After breaking my water about 4pm, my body took over and was finally giving contractions that were changing my cervix.  I used a birthing ball, slow dancing, and at times the pressure of sitting in the bed to help things along - all the while I continued losing amniotic fluid (there wasn't a bulging of waters when they broke my water, so I lost it over time as I labored).  The next time I was scheduled to be checked was 6 pm.  Contractions were getting more intense, but I was still able to breathe through them and have my husband rub on my back and help me relax.  My husband was fantastic through my labor and delivery!  At 6pm, I think I was 7cm and 80% effaced.  From there contractions became stronger and I was finding myself fatigued and drained.  Basically, things felt like they were making things progress..... I was feeling a little bit of natural "loopiness" at this point. They were also having a difficult time keeping track of Lilia's heartbeat and wanted it to be monitored constantly.  They ended up putting in an internal fetal monitor (attached to her scalp) to allow for me to continue moving around and to keep a better track of her condition.   Linda and Jeremiah were at my side constantly at this point - Linda helping to massage my head to keep my expressions relaxed and Jeremiah at my lower back to give me some counter pressure for the slight back labor I was feeling.  I believe it was after 7pm when there was a drop in Lilia's heart rate - extremely low and they all rushed into my room and rolled me on my left side as they lowered my bed for the baby to recover. They checked my cervix and I was completely effaced and 8 cm.   After what seemed like a time frame of 10 minutes there was a second deceleration in Lilia's heartbeat.  They again rushed in, rolled me on my side, and lowered the bed.  This time they checked me and I was a 9.   A matter of minutes again and there was the urge to push.  I felt my body bearing down on Lilia's little body - ready to get this child into the world.  I called for the nurse ("Hello?  Hello!?)  and they all rushed in again, some trying to prepare the room and bed for us.  They checked me and said I was still a 9 but if I felt the urge to push again, to go ahead and try pushing.  So, I waited for it, the time came, I pushed..... and screamed!  My body had officially had enough.  My husband and Linda (as well as probably 6 others) were trying to tell me to stop screaming and breathing - but to hold my breath and bear down to push.  I couldn't.  All I could do was push AND scream until her head and body had been delivered (less than 5 minutes).  Then they handed her up to me and I held her on my chest while I finally felt relief and let everyone do their thing.  I never really know much about what happens after all of that.  Most of that is just a blur.  I had a very small tear this time around and definitely asked for IV drugs when they were kneading my abdomen like a ball of dough trying to get the placenta loosened enough to deliver it.  Hey, I just had a baby and I didn't really want to have to feel someone mashing down on my abdomen!   After Lilia got here... we had some down time in the delivery room (not really sure why) and found out that some people from the first ward were in another delivery room just down the hall and hopefully having their baby sometime soon.  Jeremiah went over to say hello and I found out that my screaming was quite the talk of the delivery floor.  Yipes!  Really hope I didn't add to anyone's distress and really am sorry for screaming, but.... like I told everyone in the room, I'm sorry.... I couldn't help it!  I couldn't control it - it was pushing time and I had one goal - to.....get.....that.....baby.... OUT!   Here she is:

Lilia Rose

With Big Sister Julia

With "biggest" sister Melanie

Big brother already filling the part of protector

My boys falling in love with our newest angel

Humility 101

When it comes to humility, I am definitely a "beginner" and desperately in need of lessons.  I took a trip to the hospital early this morning (12:20-2:30am) and got a couple doses.  I was having contractions that felt more real than ones I'd been having before, plus I was stripped on top of that and was hoping that it had helped this progress.  I still wasn't in significant pain, but with Jeremiah's schedule at school and this being his final week (tests) and stuff... I was trying to work fast!  Resulting in me going in too early.  I didn't have much progress (if any) from earlier that morning. It was good to see that the baby was well and in a good position for the next little bit it will be in there - so that was comforting news!  While I was there, a woman was rushed past my door (the curtain was pulled in my room, so I couldn't see anything) - followed by delivery sounds (woman struggling to hold onto her control) and then rushed off in a wheelchair after the call "I need some help in here, I have a fully dilated patient!"    Needless to say, the woman delivered - hopefully in a delivery room... I couldn't hear a baby cry or anything of that sort, so I am just assuming of course.  BUT, that experience HORRIFIED me!  I started doubting myself and thinking.... I feel like I am pretty beat up this 4th time around and how am I going to cope with the pain?  Basically, I'm currently afraid of pain - who isn't?  It is causing me to really worry about this delivery - and I know I shouldn't.  I'm a veteran, right?!  Please keep your fingers crossed that I can figure it out and be tough/brave!  I can do this, I can do this!!!  I CAN!   Having that scare has sufficiently humbled me to be willing to allow the LORD'S will.  Imagine that, trusting in the Lord (who knows best of course!) and being willing to allow things to happen the way they are supposed to!  I am now VERY hopeful the baby will hold off until Friday when Jeremiah is done with classes and can be there for me 24/7 for whatever I need.  I am hoping that is the Lord's will, but will take whichever day the Lord deems is best.   I am humbled and now VERY cautious to not overdo things!

Dear Portsmouth

Please clear a recovery room for me so I can have this baby.  I know there are supposed to be hundreds of deliveries this month, but I would really like a room TO MYSELF!  Hurry too please, my body is falling apart! Thanks

      Janice

It's Autumn time!

Er.... well, weekend at least.  Today was a GORGEOUS day - one I hope will repeat itself many many times in the months ahead.  However.... this morning's events.... I would rather NOT repeat so much. I got a call from my OB clinic saying that my midwife was sick and they would have to reschedule me.  The soonest they could get me in to see ANYBODY is monday, so.... if this baby is still sitting tight by then I guess I will see someone new for a day and hopefully that will be the last time I go to the clinic before this baby is born.  I will be 39 weeks come Monday and I do not wish to make a 40 week appointment!

Every morning we walk to school, the children think it is SUPER important to reach the van first so then they can reach the stroller first (which only Hunter rides in anyway).  Well, Melanie wanted to be sure she was first I guess for some reason and shoved her brother out of her way so she could run and make it first to the van.  NICE! There was definite skid time on the concrete - the poor boy looks like Rocky Balboa! (I took a picture as documentation and will post it asap - pretty much to remind her for the rest of her days of what she did to her little brother... out of selfishness)  My sweet boy, all dinged up on the left side of his little perfect face.  I had to walk to and from school with the humiliation that comes from people/kids looking at your child's face and thinking "Yikes!  Ouch!"  - and then glancing up at you as if you were the obvious culprit.  I so badly wished I had a sign that read:  "Handiwork of big sister".  Obviously, having half your face scraped raw hurts, so once we returned home... Hunter quickly got frustrated with his predicament and needed some quality time with me. We sat together for about a half hour or so enjoying the time we had together.

Thankfully my husband had a VERY short day at school today and he was able to join us not long after we had gotten home from taking the girls to school.  We went out to lunch together and got some errands accomplished that have been needing to be done.  More checks on our lists!
Once we got home, I tried to stay on top of some housework and decided that soup would be the perfect dinner for our first Autumn day.   Which soup you ask?  Potato soup - and a stinkin good recipe at that!  It is a family favorite!  I am so stinkin excited for the beautiful weather to stay - I hope it does this year - so I can enjoy it to the fullest!

Hair's done, house is "clean", come on baby!!!

Last night was the "finishing" touches to getting me pretty much ready for this baby to arrive.  I have been trying hard all week long to get this baby here (cleaning, mopping, walking, etc) and nothing so far.  I got my hair re-highlighted last night (thanks so much Stacey!) and got a nice little trim too to freshen things up.  Initially I did have grand plans to get a pedicure and at least have my nails be a decent length (chronic nail biter) - but those haven't happened.  Not that it matters much, my feet will be covered with socks and I would probably only chew my nails out of boredom waiting in the hospital for us to be cleared to go home anyway.  I've been getting things done around the house and I'm pretty much to a point where it is as clean as it can get and be fairly easily maintained while housing 3 children 6 years and younger.  Dusting done, carpets vacuumed, floor swept, kitchen in order, playroom - well..... it's a playroom, upstairs and bathrooms all in decent order.  Now, we just need a baby! This whole ordeal has been such an emotional roller coaster for me. First we pleaded the route of "most convenient" while the hubby was still on leave and my mother in law was already at home with the kids, and the weekend was approaching.  Then, my sweet doula got sick - now I'm sick, she's on the mend, and another weekend is approaching.  BUT, hubby will still be in school one more week - so that leaves me in charge of the drop off and pick up of the girls (which is quite complicated actually).  Drop off is easy enough - sign Julia in.  Pick up for the two are separated by 35 minutes! When it's almost 100 degrees outside, it makes it hard to wait around to get my 1st grader from school.  Add a newborn.... yeah, you get the idea.   Then... my doula also happens to be pretty talented with a camera in her hand and was asked to photograph a wedding at the Washington D.C. temple NEXT weekend.  Not really sure when this little one will arrive, I hope that it is soon - but it also seems that no matter what day that is.... things will probably be CRAZY! 

Patience

Yeah, let's just say I don't have a large supply of it nowadays.  I'm really trying, but being super huge with child and trying to be kind all the time gets old fast.  However, our sweet and all knowing Father in Heaven is giving me no other option than to be patient at this time.  How I love these life lessons sometimes! Argh. I get the blessing of practicing patience in waiting for this child to come into the world.  Waiting for a baby to show up is probably one of the most frustrating things in the world at the end of pregnancy.  Being a military spouse, at this particular military hospital, no inductions until 41 weeks.  Hmmm.  I am definitely NOT 41 weeks and I really hope Heavenly Father has mercy on my poor soul so that I don't have to still be pregnant at that time.  I see it as a little "unfair".  There are so many people with inductions or c-sections scheduled BEFORE my due date that are due AFTER me.  Unless I go a week overdue, I do not get the luxury of picking the day my child arrives in the world.  I get to roll with the punches.  There are so many women having their babies - I really just kinda want to get mine already, you know!?  So, for now I am doing my best to exercise patience.  I am also trying my best to have enough faith to leave this in the Lord's hands and trust it will all work out.  That's what I'm gunna do - and I'm sure everything will turn out fine whenever the baby decides to show.

The Handsome 2 year old!

My little guy turned 2 today.  For those of you that don't know about my family, I am one of THREE girls.  No brothers AT ALL.  Which naturally means of course that I spent most of my entire childhood/teenage years asking for a brother.  Sometimes, I even asked for an OLDER brother.  If my parents ever fulfilled that wish, I am sure it would have been VERY uncomfortable for my mom.  Needless to say, it never happened.   So, I pushed that desire on into my married life.  I wanted a son.  A boy for my wonderful dad to get to be a grandfather to.  Take him fishing, camping, etc.... all those wonderful guy things.   Our third child was the winner.  I was SO excited to be a mother to a son!  I didn't know how to take care of one because I never had that opportunity before, but, I was going to figure it out.   The day that I had my little man, the nurse in my delivery room said, "you love all your children, but your son will be your heart".  I wasn't really sure what all that meant at the time, but I do now.  There is something so precious about the relationship between a mother and son.  I love my guy to pieces and really wish I get to have another someday.  I love my girls, please don't misunderstand, but..... that nurse was right..... he is my heart.  There are times where he gets into things or does something he shouldn't, but he brings so much joy to my life!  He's funny, smart, and extremely loving.  We are so blessed to have him be a part of our family and I know his daddy is really excited for the years to come.  LOVE YOU BUDDY!